Daylight Saving Time does not give us more daylight. It just cuts a piece off one end of the day, sews it onto the other, and expects us to applaud. I’m all for stopping the clock changes. I just think we should stop on the correct time.

If countries had family reunions, Europe would spend the entire time saying, "We've talked about this," while America cannonballs into the pool, holding a sparkler and asking if anyone wants to deep-fry a turkey.

I tried to be helpful before a family cookout and accidentally entered a long-term conflict with beans. There were salads, bourbon, a pool, pizza boxes, and one man brave enough to eat the leftovers.