If We Didn’t Do It in the 80s, Why Are We Doing It Now?

The Premise

I grew up in the era when communication required effort.

If you wanted to tell someone something, you had to call them.

If you wanted an answer to a question, you opened a book.

If you wanted attention, you had to physically appear somewhere and earn it.

Because all of that required effort, people behaved a little differently.

Social media has quietly normalized a lot of behaviors that would have seemed… deeply confusing… in 1985.

None of them is bad. Many of them are even sweet.

But if you translate them into the real-world behavior of the 80s, they start to feel a little… unhinged.

So let’s do that.

Imagine It’s 1987

You call up your neighbor and ask them to pass along a birthday message to your kid.

“Hi! Just wanted to say Happy Birthday to Jason!”

Your neighbor writes it down and promises to deliver the message later.

Sweet intention. Slightly odd delivery system.

That’s roughly the vibe of posting “Happy Birthday!!!” to someone who doesn’t even have Facebook.

Imagine It’s 1984

You stand on your front porch and shout, “My condolences to anyone currently experiencing hardship!”

Cars drive by. A dog barks.

A neighbor slowly pulls their curtains closed.

This is essentially the real-world version of a general “thoughts and prayers” broadcast.

Imagine It’s 1986

Every morning, you call your friends and say, “Just checking in. Nine days until I go to Florida.”

The next day, “Eight days until Florida.”

Then seven.

Then six.

People were excited about vacations in the 80s, too.

They just didn’t hold daily press conferences.

Imagine It’s 1987

You drive across town, knock on your friend’s door, and ask, “Quick question… how long do you boil eggs?”

Instead of opening the cookbook sitting in your kitchen.

That’s basically what happens every time someone asks social media a question that Google could answer in two seconds.

Imagine It’s 1987

You send a letter to everyone you know announcing, “Update: I am now dating Kevin. Please update your records.”

This is the analog version of changing your relationship status online.

Somewhere there’s a filing cabinet labeled "Kevin."

Imagine It’s 1985

Before eating dinner, you stop and carefully sketch your lasagna. You add shading.

Then you pass the drawing around so everyone can appreciate the meal before anyone actually eats it.

That’s essentially the pre-internet version of photographing your food.

Imagine It’s 1985

You walk into a party, sigh loudly, and announce, “I look terrible tonight.”

Then you stand there while everyone reassures you that you look amazing.

This is the real-world version of the “Ugh I look awful today” fishing-for-compliments post.

Imagine It’s 1983

You mail a note to your entire address book that says, “Some people know what they did.”

No context. No explanation.

Just ... vibes.

This is the offline version of the passive-aggressive inspirational quote post.

Imagine It’s 1986

You show up at a friend’s house with three photo albums. You say, “Before we talk, I’d like to walk you through every angle of my day at the beach.”

This is what a photo dump looks like without the internet.

We survived slide projectors once.

We promised never to repeat that experience.

Imagine It’s 1984

You call everyone you know to announce, “Just letting you know I’m currently at Applebee’s.”

No additional information. Just a location update.

Congratulations. You’ve just performed a restaurant check-in.

Imagine It’s 1986

You pull out your diary at a party and read an entry from five years ago about your thoughts on music. Then you pass the diary around for everyone to appreciate the moment.

This is basically the real-world version of sharing a Facebook memory.

Some things were meant to stay in the diary.

Imagine It’s 1985

You stand in your yard holding a cardboard sign that says, “Does anyone want to mow my lawn?”

Cars pass slowly. Neighbors stare.

This is the offline version of asking social media if someone wants to shovel your driveway.

Imagine It’s 1987

Every few months, you mail everyone you know a new portrait of yourself.

No explanation.

Just a slightly different photo.

“Here’s an updated picture of me.”

That’s essentially how new profile pictures work.

Imagine It’s 1988

You walk door to door holding two pairs of shoes. You ask each neighbor, “Which ones should I wear tonight?”

You collect the votes.

This is the real-world version of posting a poll.

Imagine It’s 1985

You invite the entire neighborhood over to watch you open a toaster.

Everyone gathers around. You slowly remove the packaging while everyone watches.

This is what an unboxing video would have looked like before the internet.

And Then There Are the Truly Wild Ones

Some modern habits become particularly strange when translated back into the real world.

The Airport Announcement

Imagine it’s 1985. You call everyone you know and say, “Just a quick update. I’m at Gate B7 and boarding in about fifteen minutes.”

Everyone thanks you for the information they absolutely did not need.

The Illness Play-By-Play

Imagine it’s 1986. You call your neighbors every three hours to update them on your cold.

“Still congested.”

“Now experiencing mild fatigue.”

“Soup helping slightly.”

The RIP Post

Imagine it's 1982. You stand in your yard and speak directly to someone who has passed away. “Miss you every day.”

You look toward the clouds for confirmation.

The sentiment is genuine. The delivery system is… confusing.

The Truth

None of these things is actually bad. Most of them are sweet. Some are helpful. A few are just people looking for connection in a noisy world.

But translating them into the pre-internet reality of the 80s reveals something fascinating: Social media didn’t invent strange human behavior.

It just gave it a much larger microphone.

And occasionally a ring light.

Your Turn

What’s a completely normal thing people do online today that would have seemed absolutely unhinged in 1985?

I’m genuinely curious.

What modern habit would have required you to:

• Call everyone you know.

• Stand on your front porch.

• Mail 47 letters.

• Drive across town with a pot of eggs.

  
  

Leave it in the comments. I suspect we’re just getting started.